I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My ass is underappreciated
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
