she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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