Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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