i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
