i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
