It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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