Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
