apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
