So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
