I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
