I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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