I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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