Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
