Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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