Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize