she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
