just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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