you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
