Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
