dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
