i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize