i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
