6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
