where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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