Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
