the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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