we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
