i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your cock deserves a montage
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize