An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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