3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
