you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
