I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
