Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize