Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
