I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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