is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
