my phone needs a breathalizer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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