NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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