you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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