i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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