hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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