just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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