If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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