me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
