hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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