apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
