I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
