It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
