if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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