Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
