i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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