you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
