Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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