Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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