I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
