he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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