Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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