Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's great music for shaving your balls
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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