Michael Bay diarrhea
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
