I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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