could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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