do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
