I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
