She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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