moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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