Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Are we still banned from the library?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
