Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
