Apparently you make a good broom.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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