Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
