This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
