I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
