I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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