The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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