I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Everything about him screamed your future.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
