'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
