In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
