Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
