what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
