it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
FUCK WHALES
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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