got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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