I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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