he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
