dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
